Exchange is About Wanting to Stay, But Needed to Go

I don’t know where i should start.

The time has come. The end of my exchange year is near. I have 12 days left right now, and i don’t even know about my own feeling. A part of me says that i can’t wait to go back, and the other big part says that i really can’t let go of this life.

I can’t imagine i’m leaving soon. I just.. can’t. I don’t want to go.

But i have to.

It has been an amazing, incredible, mind-blowing, mentally challenging, and an unforgettable year. It’s true what they said, it is the best year ever. A lot of things happened, mental breakdowns and of course happy days like candy canes and sunshine. I know something have changed within me. All of these ups and downs made me a stronger person. I did new and crazy things, i did things i already done in ways i’ve never done before. I see the world in different perspectives. I have a better understanding to the world. I am more open and flexible to new things. I opened my eyes wider. I realised that the beauty of living are people, different people from all over the world. I realised in how amazing people can be in so many different ways. They have so much to teach, to share, and to love. They taught me to realise what is important in life and what is not.

Continue reading “Exchange is About Wanting to Stay, But Needed to Go”


Eternal Buddies

Here’s a fun fact : i actually like pets.

Once i had a cat, his name was Emon. I named him after my favorite Japanese cartoon Doraemon. I had him when i was in kindergarten until i moved out from that house in first grade.

My mom wouldn’t let me bring him into my new house, i never knew why.

It’s weird because i do remember all of this. I was still little.

Emon had an orange fur with a mix of some beige fur. He was so cute and squishy. He loved fish and fresh milk. He loved his pink and white plate with a fish figure my mother gave me for him to eat.

I miss my cat. I miss rubbing his short neck. I miss him being around with his cute meowing sound. I miss him disturbing me. I miss him rubbing my feet with his fur. I miss playing with him. I miss seeing him waiting for me outside the front door after school. I miss him.

I miss my cat.

And now, it’s been a frickin eleven years, and only God knows if he’s still in this world or not. I don’t even have a photo of him…

I miss my cat. 😿

Years later after Emon, i had two hamsters. They were super cute. My far cousin gave them to me and my sis. She gave them to us because she already had a lot of hamsters.

I built him a hamster house, it was from a big plastic jar. I even had hamster toys for them to play.

I play with them everyday after school. I love seeing their tiny little fingers eating some sunflower seeds.

Unfortunately, i got busy and started to be lazy to take care of my hamsters.

Then one of them died. And my dad doesn’t want the other one die too and gave it to one of his friends’ daughter.

Since then, i never had a pet again.

I am missing a little part of my childhood.

And, about dogs, i might actually like them. I love seeing dogs videos, being cute and all, loving his master. But since i’m not allowed to touch them by my religion, i never really had a chance to interact with one.

I actually want to keep a pet, just one. For me to play with, who listens to me and not complaining.

I miss having a pet.

Lost and haven’t found

I like observing people. Not in a creepy way, but i just like seeing people do or act in particular. That way, i would know about the personality of the person and understand them more.

It is interesting for me to understand.

I know that everybody has their own problems, and it depends on the person how they would act and respond. Whether they will break down because of their problems, ignore them, or solve them. Many people come to me to talk about their problems, and i will help them the best i can by giving them advice. But when i think about my own problems, i found out that there are so many things going on in my life that i don’t like the way they turned out.

But i still feel ok, i guess.

I don’t know, i just don’t make my problems become some burden for myself that can make me feel stressed out. I just deal with it. But lately i feel so empty i don’t even know why. I feel lost, i don’t know where or who to go to make me feel better and whole again.

So many things went wrong. I don’t know what to do….

I don’t want to keep my problems to myself but i don’t trust someone so easily to share my problems with. I am a closed person, i guess.

I am writing this at school and i want to cry my heart out right now, but i can’t. Nobody cares. They would act like if they care but they actually don’t!

I am sad and i hate people.

The thing is, people come and go whenever they like. They don’t even care about me. They only come when they need something and then just leave like nothing has happened.

At some point i am really really really jealous of you guys who can talk so openly about yourself and things going on in your life.

But who cares about me anyway????


What is wrong with me? Oh God i don’t want to cry right now, not here. In this place called school or probably a living hell.

Oh damn since when did i become so melancholy like this. I know i am not usually like this. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME OH MY GOD.

I wonder if you guys actually read my blog at this point. If you do, I’m sorry you have to be reading this piece of trash right now. But thank you for staying, i really appreciate it.

Once again, thank you.

Distant friends, disappointment, and weariness

I think i have the power to push people away. Because my friends, once they found a new group of friends, they will leave. I mean, it’s ok to have many friends and not just one particular group or squad, but how could you forget your old squad that once was your only? How could you forget all that you’ve done together? How could you forget that i was the one who will be there when you have no one to talk to anymore, i don’t understand?!

It’s been a rough week for me, and there are many reasons to cause it. First, i am tired with school stuffs, so i just don’t have time to deal with things like my shitty problem that is not so important. Well, it is important because they are my friends, but considering of who i am now, i have to be professional and do my responsibilities and don’t let my problems affect my work.

Secondly, i don’t have enough rest lately. A night sleep is not enough. I have been going home from school after dawn. I go to school still dark, and leave school already dark. I also don’t have enough energy to study at home or do my homework. My mom always ask me to study at home so that i could remember the lesson perfectly. But no, i don’t know why i just can’t do it. My body is too tired to do so.

I guess i just go with the flow. My body is still adaptating with my new kind-of-day.

I hope i could catch up with my grades.


Lazy + yawn = sleep.

Study + high motivation = good grades. No sleep. No play.

Tired + study = nothing sticks in your brain.

Hey guys so i’m currently having a lack of motivation to study. I oftenly wonder “what am i doing in here?” as i walk through the classroom door. I just want to take care of my organisation, making it the best my school has ever had. Not to mention i have to take care of my extracurricular too. But apparently that made me unaware of my lessons and grades and just ignore them.

I know. I’m screwed 🙂

Why i’m (not) missing my favorite.

What’s the most time you’ve ever spent apart from your favorite person? Tell us about it.

When i got this question i thought of so many people in my life. My parents, my best friends, my crush(es), my significant other, my favorite cousin, and so on. But after i re-think about it, i would answer:


Yes, i never spent my whole life apart from my favorite person. Because that person is myself! Hahaha.

Go ahead, laugh. But i’m saying the truth. Just as Henry David Thoreau said in his book called ‘Walden’,

“I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

Sir, you are super correct. I couldn’t agree more.

I love being alone. Spending time with my own self. Finding my peace. It is such a beautiful feeling. Far from all the people and dramas. Away from faking myself to be liked and accepted by the society.

Don’t get me wrong, i love hanging out with people. I love having fun with my best friends. I love sharing stories with people who care about me.

But when you’re surrounded by so many people everyday, you will crave for solitude.

Unfortunately, when we say that we like being alone, people sometimes just don’t get it. They label us as introverts or anti-social.

Honestly, it’s not like that. Because we are not. We just love our quality time with ourself. Is there anything wrong with it? No, of course not! And i’m pretty sure society needs to fix this. To understand each other. To not judge and label people whatever you think they are. And according to my ambivert-self, I love being around people, but i love being alone, too. I hope you understand what i’m feeling.

Being alone can teach you a lot. You often lost inside your mind, and you get to think deeply about life. It gives you many different perspective of the world. You get to know yourself a lot better. And you begin to love and appreciate yourself more. Remember! Talking to uninteresting people, being bored in your circle, or hanging out with your so-called-friends, is not worth your precious time.

“We are alone, but not lonely.” Cheers!

In response to : My Favorite

Page 1 of 365

(((What a typical-so-basic title))).

Here i am, in my room, living a life on the first day of 2016, i have nothing to do, so i decided to write a post for my blog.

What a great way to start a year.

Note the sarcasm, guys.

So, i was hoping that i could celebrate new year’s eve with my big family in Bandung, as always, and apparently we couldn’t. Because some of them are doing Umroh. Don’t get me wrong, i am so so so happy they could go there but, yeah. You know. It’s s u p e r b o r i n g to spend your holiday just in your home, on your computer.

Right? Right.

Basically all students want is a holiday and a great way to spend it. Like travel somewhere you’ve never been to, or simply hanging out with your old friends talking about your old memories.

Personally, my kind of perfect holiday is doing outdoor activities. Hiking, snorkelling, camping, etc.



Well, because this one is my first post, i want to introduce myself properly.
Hello! My name is Lulu. I’m still 15 and i live in Jakarta, Indonesia. My birthday is on 9 February, so if you want to send me a birthday gift, just let me know and i will send you my address 😛 I live with my family consisting of 4 people: me, my sister, and my beloved parents. I like to read novels and also comics. I am now a 9 grader, that’s why i will not post much until May because i’m busy preparing for my National Exam. Wish me luck guys!

The reasons why I made this blog because: (1) I want to improve my writing skills. (2) I want to improve my English. And (3) I’d like to share my own thoughts through my writings.

When i was still an elementary student, i joined the Creative Writing club. It was an extracurricular in the school. It was really fun. We wrote anything we like. Our experience, our imaginations, or we wrote something that happened in front of our eyes. And when we were having writer’s block, we still had something fun to do. We drew, we cooked, or we visited our friend’s house. It was so sad when i had to left the club because it was time for me to be a junior high school student.

downloadMaybe when i was a 5 grader, my teacher (let’s call her Miss H) borrowed my notebook and she didn’t return it until i was a 7 grader, if i’m not mistaken. Until one day, i got a mail. It was a letter from her. She said that she was sorry that she borrowed my notebook for so long. The unexpected thing was, she has been trying to send my stories in that notebook to many publishers. But unfortunately no one accepted it. At the end of the letter Miss H said that i have to keep trying. She believed that one day i can be a successful writer if i keep trying. She said that i have a great talent in writing and i am a hard worker.

I was so happy to read that letter i nearly cried that time. With that letter, she also sent a book called “How to be a Writer” by Primadonna Angela. That’s why i want to improve my writing skills here, and hopefully i can be a novelist someday.

Well, that was enough about me!

And guys, i hope you kindly remind me if i made any mistakes in my posts. Wether it is a grammatical errors or anything. I am here to study, remember? 😉

Thank you for reading, have a great day and see you on my next post!