Exchange is About Wanting to Stay, But Needed to Go

I don’t know where i should start.

The time has come. The end of my exchange year is near. I have 12 days left right now, and i don’t even know about my own feeling. A part of me says that i can’t wait to go back, and the other big part says that i really can’t let go of this life.

I can’t imagine i’m leaving soon. I just.. can’t. I don’t want to go.

But i have to.

It has been an amazing, incredible, mind-blowing, mentally challenging, and an unforgettable year. It’s true what they said, it is the best year ever. A lot of things happened, mental breakdowns and of course happy days like candy canes and sunshine. I know something have changed within me. All of these ups and downs made me a stronger person. I did new and crazy things, i did things i already done in ways i’ve never done before. I see the world in different perspectives. I have a better understanding to the world. I am more open and flexible to new things. I opened my eyes wider. I realised that the beauty of living are people, different people from all over the world. I realised in how amazing people can be in so many different ways. They have so much to teach, to share, and to love. They taught me to realise what is important in life and what is not.

And you know what? Maybe exchange journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. When i think about it, go for an exchange is actually crazy. Like, ‘Bye mom and dad, i’mma move to another country where i don’t know anything about it and live with strangers.’ But that’s the beauty of exchange. I came knowing nothing, and returning back richer with a culture, a home, new people in my heart and things to share. Exchange is more than simply living abroad with another people.

Words cannot explain how grateful i am to be here. I was just a regular Indonesian girl, i got dreams and hopes in my heart. Dreaming big and wanting to see the world. That’s why i have to go back to where it all started, i need to share what i’ve got. No, not merchandise, but a lot more precious than that, experience. I got to know and understand not only things on the surface of the culture. Not only learning the language, making friends with the locals, but also things that people are not aware of. Perspective of the world, opinions, ideals, respect, perceptions, concepts, love, sincerity, and the most important thing, understanding my own self.

They said home is where the heart is, therefore I found a home far away from home. To my family, friends, my fellow fighters AFS exchange students, and all the people i met on my exchange year, thank you. I am not me without you and I keep you all dearly in my heart. I love you like i’ve known you forever, and the bare thought of me living without you is killing me.

And if maybe someday we meet again, it will be just like yesterday when we were all here.

I promise i will come back. I know i will.

Kiitos kaikesta.