It’s deep and true on so many levels. And also very hurtful for myself.
I was just scrolling on my Instagram page and found this. And it reminded me of my old crush, he was probably my first love ever. My first ever heart break.
He was the first one who gave me stomach on my butterflies until i want to puke myself. He was the first one who could make me froze and left my brain blank any moment he started to talk to me. He was the one who is always on my mind anywhere and anytime. He was the one who could make me laugh and smile for all his stupid jokes he said. He was the first one who made my heart race for no reason whenever i saw him around. He was…. He was…. He was my first love. And i thought he was the one for me.
I still remembered clearly how annoying my friends tease us back then. I was really shy and angry. I feel ashamed but i couldn’t help but smile. Even my teachers ship us somehow. We started to chat on facebook, or BBM, or anywhere he could reach me. It was good and beautiful old days. We didn’t have something to worry or a care in the world. We already know that we liked each other even though we both haven’t said anything about our feelings to each other.
And one day he said something that really put me on a shock, he said that he liked me and asked me how i feel towards him. Then i admit my feelings for him, and it was quiet embarassing. So yeah. But we were not a couple or anything, we just continued to grow together with our loves inside.
Days have passed, and i made a really terrible mistake so suddenly without thinking much at that time, that i regret until right now. Because i just felt that our ‘relationship’ didn’t go anywhere. I had to make a move. I needed certainty and clarity that we were a ‘thing’. Not limited to only people that fell in love with each other.
So i said to my friend that i didn’t love him anymore… while in reality i was, deeply in love.
I thought that if i said that lie, he would fight for me, making me sure not to let go. But he didn’t. Then rumors started to spread, he liked another girl. He asked her to be his girlfriend. He got into a really cute relationship. He even told me about it by himself, i mean how mean is that??
Deeply it broke my heart. It hurt so bad whenever i see him or think about him. It was harder for me because until now, we are still go to the same school.
I just realized something that it’s not easy for me to fall in love with someone, but once i fall, i fell hard.
I thought that he was the one for me, but no. It was just a skinny love. We were just trying to find someone who is worth our love and accept us for who we are.